My practice started in 2009 when I took my first Hatha class. I enjoyed it so much that I practiced every day. From there, I moved into some Vinyasa and Ashtanga-based techniques and became hyper-focused on the physicality of the practice. I practiced and practiced, developing a relationship driven by self-gratification and need. I really enjoyed this at the time, as I had a need to feel gratification from others. As my physical practice became more advanced, I received more and more external gratification from teachers and students alike.
After 2 years of this, however, I started noticing that my joints were not happy with this relationship to yoga. I had pain in my shoulders and knees. I had healthy joints before practicing yoga, so I felt like I should hide this for fear of being the recipient of the shame placed over students that “pushed too far”. I felt like I needed a break, yet could not even fathom what I would do without the physical practice.
This is when I decided to take a 500-hour teacher training at Prana Yoga College. I had seen nothing of yoga outside of a physical power practice until this training. I was a bit thrown off, thinking that I was a very advanced yogi because I could hold a handstand and do deep backbends. The training ended up being a wake-up call to heal my body. Shakti, our teacher, focused on healing as opposed to just saying “yoga heals” and leaving it at that, without any active ownership of the process.
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Prana Yoga College was Hatha-centred, so an inward practice was the focus, with a very spiritual core message of non-attachment as something to practice and reflect upon in my daily life. This changed yoga entirely for me. Before, I was so focused on the postures being the entire practice of yoga that it caused me suffering when I could not obtain or access a certain physical posture. After looking deeper into the practice, I was able to bring yoga into my daily life, begin to heal my body, as well as relationships in my life. I was able to let go of all ideas of what yoga was to others.
The healing of yoga, for me, came from all of the experiences I had with the practice. All parts were equally important to my journey of finding balance. I realize now that the practice showed me all of myself and amplified every aspect. The parts that were destructive eventually caused pain and suffering in a way I could not ignore. And the healing came in with potent power behind it, as soon I was no longer afraid of going into the depths of both the light AND darkness.
After my time at Prana, I was introduced to Acroyoga by my good friend Slava. We practiced almost every day and through this consistency and mutual motivation, we built a strong connection. Acroyoga came to heal my problems with human connection and contact. Until I started Acroyoga, I was very uncomfortable with touching others – even guided partner work in a yoga class made me anxious. I also felt that my joints became stronger again, as the practice of Acro demands and develops a great deal of strength. This practice led me to the Circus, which is where I remembered how to dream big and that I can achieve anything I set my mind to. I let the training become my main focus and began ignoring my body’s signals again. I stopped almost all kinds of yoga for a period of time and got much stronger. I also had a super tense body that was over-worked and stimulated. But still, this, too, was a necessary step in my process, because it made the physical asana practice easier on my body so I could allow a deep focus in classes.
Around this time I had my first baby boy with my love Keonhee. Keonhee studies Chinese medicine, so I would get acupuncture every week. After our baby Dash was born, I stopped most physical practice and was forced to really look at myself internally. A baby is a very powerful mirror of all things, as they are a pure being with nothing yet to taint them.
What a journey this has all been. I am now doing my best to follow my dreams, to dream big, while still keeping connected to Spirit and not allowing myself to be swallowed up by the physical world. I feel very different in myself. I feel as though I have made deep adjustments to my internal leanings. I feel stronger, from the inside out, and am doing my best to share what I have learned with all students who come to my classes. I feel focused on healing and I can see unlimited avenues for healing to reach us all through a feeling that arises from within and can be shared with all through any medium, whether it be dance, writing, teaching or cooking a healing meal.
I realize now that the importance lies within the feeling put into my actions, so my focus now lies in keeping that feeling alive within. My goal is to spread this feeling, this energy, as I know now that it will heal anyone who is open to it. I don’t have to heal another, I need only heal the parts of me that block this feeling from thriving within me. The feeling I speak of is the one that leaves me in tears at how beautiful and perfect life is, along with everyone in it. From this place I have no judgment of anyone, because I see that it only creates a block for myself to feel the beauty that lies within each person, animal, and our beautiful home we call our mother Earth.
I am striving daily to keep this feeling. It is my main focus in all of my yoga classes as well as anything I create. I have shared this feeling in these words as I wish for all who read this to know it and to hold the desire to stay in this feeling as well. Thank you for taking the time to read this.
Devon French