I began my yoga teacher journey over 5 years ago. My current training is with Hali Love at Multi Style Yoga Institute (MSY) and my first 200 hours was with a woman who is truly the person I picture Mother Earth as, Karuna Erickson of Heart Yoga. Both of these amazing women came into my life exactly when I needed them the most. I can’t help but recall how the universe peppered people in my life exactly when it was the right time.
My current training through MSY embraces finding a balance through mindful practices and defining your power of balance with sthira and sukha to bring yourself into a place of ease and steadiness. When we can be in this space, we can cultivate a healthy way to live. In yoga, these Sanskrit terms come from The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali. Sthira means stable, steadfast, strong or firm and sukha translates to comfortable, soft, gentle. In the practice of yoga, The Yoga Sutras relate these to the third limb of yoga – asana. The goal is to be in a yoga posture and be stable and steady (sthira) but also comfortable with ease (sukha). The literal meaning translates as “ resolutely in a good space”.
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Our fast paced lives and the constant impact of stress are creating illness – ilnesses such as anxiety, depression, insomnia and heart disease. People who have mental unwellness with depression are at a higher risk of having heart disease. It has become so clear that we all are in much need of a “good space” and pace in our everyday lives. If we live in constant sthira we are ready for battle, but to live in sukha we become complacent and resentful. We are not connected to our essence of our True Self or our unique individual power
I first heard these terms and began to implement them in my life when I met Hali and participated in a Heal, Release, Create workshop. I was having a hard time and looking for answers. My life had changed drastically and I wanted to learn how to get my power back. I missed me. I was still ignoring and hiding the years of anxiety and depression. I was in a lot of pain. It was, however, a pain that I couldn't get rid of or release, no matter how much I cried, meditated or practiced yoga. I felt frustrated with life. It was a feeling of going 2 steps forward and 5 steps backwards. Visualize a teeter-totter – on one end sthira, strong and steadfast and then on the other end sukha, soft and gentle. At some point I decided I had had enough. I did not want to feel this way anymore. I did not want to put up with any more pain and be a doormat.
My stirha self began to say, “no more”. I decided that I did not have to settle and constantly have to explain myself to anyone. This in turn started a backlash within my family. This, I realized after healing and learning more about mental illness was not so much a backlash but more of a misunderstanding. A misunderstanding of how truly sick I was. This misunderstanding and confusion is very common with most people who have a loved one who lives with mental illness.
Our business, that I helped build with my family, was toxic and the constant stress and negativity came to a breaking point with me refusing to cooperate just because I was expected to. I was accused of being confrontational, selfish and sometimes even a crazy person. As you have probably already guessed, it all became too much. I became exhausted more than ever. The pain was not escaping but feeling more intense and unbearable. It felt like I was trying to run a marathon with two broken legs, so I fell back into sukha.
I was so tired from this marathon. I withdrew and was too exhausted to fight and felt completely weak and depleted. My mind and body decided it had all become too much. I became a victim of my own mind and honestly stopped caring. If these people would not listen to me, why bother? Everything felt impossible. I became lower than I ever expected possible. I was severely depressed. I went from reactive to non-reactive and eventually became so ill I was forced to ask for help. Scared of myself, depressed and not able to cope with the basic skills of being here in my own life.
Pace is important. I was not paying attention to what I was feeling. I was not responding to what every part of my soul was crying out for. How did I ever expect to live within a realm of balance if I was living a life that was at everyone else's pace? I was not in a “good space”. This healing process began slowly. I started out with creating boundaries. However, not for everyone else, starting with me.
I was asked to speak about my personal growth at a yoga teacher training where I was co-teaching this past November. The task was to share three examples of how the teeter-totter in sthira and sukha related to my life. This teeter-totter is not completely balanced and, even today, it will routinely dip one way and then the other. However, it is not as drastic now in my life. My teeter-totter does not come crashing down to the ground. It is imperfectly imperfect.
Begin Within
I started with a simple plan of creating boundaries for coping with my very busy life. I told my loved ones what the game plan was. I did not go into sthira but explained that this was part of my self-care plan to heal. To heal I needed to be more prepared.
Greg, my husband, and I would sit down every Sunday morning and look at his schedule. We would look at the whole month but also look at each week. I would decide how I was feeling. If I was feeling calm and balanced, I would decide on the events I could go to. I would also let him know how long I would intend to stay at each event. If I said I would go, I committed to go, to be present and to leave when I said I would. I had to be ok with doing this and he had to be ok with these conditions. There are still times where this does not always work but they are fewer and fewer.
A list of house rules was placed on the fridge. Written on it were things like no cell phone zones (such as the dinner table and the bedroom) and no more surprise pets! I planned to practice yoga and a love and kindness meditation daily, even if only for a 10 minutes. My self-care plan began with me. I would not let myself become depleted. Self-care is not selfish it is necessary.
One-Day Deal
I allow myself a “Self-Care Day”. This is a day that I can sleep in as long as I need or take a nap. I drink tea cuddle up on the couch, watch movies and crochet. I may practice a meditation or a yoga nidra. I typically do not do an asana practice as this day is all about being still and finding gentleness in rest. I also made a deal with myself that it is only one day. Not two, not three or so on. I let people know that this is what I am doing it and I talk about why I need it. My daughters and family have seen me at my lowest but now they can also see me healed and being who I am today.
I Am Peace
I bring yoga with me wherever I go. Last November, I was asked to be available to represent the province on behalf of Greg. I was co-hosting a teacher training and knew I could leave for an hour to present a wreath on Remembrance Day. I had on my yoga clothes and a pink shirt that stated that I was a "Spiritual Gangster" but on the outside I had on my long black jacket with my red poppy and my knee high boots. I had found a balance – being "Georgina" but also being available for an important ceremony where I felt honoured to be.
I also have a devotional practice in the mornings when I study more about yoga. I do a short mediation and sometimes a yoga practice. I love chanting. It’s my most effective stress coping skill. I listen to chants; I sing chants as I rock my beautiful babies to sleep or while I am getting ready to go to an event. It calms me and brings in peace. It brings my mind into a place where anxiety and thoughts know their place.
If I notice the teeter-totter of sukha and sthira beginning to move, I check in with my life. Each time I take this time to check in, I become more in-tune within and I build upon my power of balance. My pain has eased, I feel joy and I am more present in my life and spectacular moments. Living in balance is achievable. It is an awareness. It has become a devotional practice of living.
I strive for my own pace; it is not about running a marathon. I am so proud of my personal growth through yoga, and of the amazing teachers and loving family and friends who supported me through this time. It was three years ago, on December 16th, that I had a nervous breakdown or, as we say in yoga, a “break through”. It was the worst of times and the best of times. The real yoga for me is not on my mat; it is creating my own authentic life at my own pace and a resolution to be in the “good space.” I feel so much love within my family and with loved ones, those here and those in spirit. I have a poem that is close to my heart and when I read this I picture my Dad who is no longer with us. I ended my presentation with this beautiful poem by Hafiz.