I wish it could be as simple as saying I walked into a studio and found my connection to the deepest part of myself on that first visit. No, instead I am going to be truthful and say that I am still seeking, and will continue to do so for far longer than my physical body will be around, I'm afraid.
I learned about spirituality at a very young age through my Roman Catholic parents. The 10 Commandments and Jesus Christ as my saviour were preached to me every day until I completed my 12th year at private school. Once I graduated, became pregnant out of wedlock, and had broken literally every cardinal rule, I was determined that I was going to hell. That was spirituality to me.
I continued my somewhat constrained relationship with spirituality for a lot of years, continuing to be married, baptizing my children and bidding farewell to some of my favourite people, all via my connection to "The Church".
Why you might ask why did I do so? Because I didn't know. I had no idea. I just followed who and what I was taught, never feeling a connection, never understanding, simply following – until the day that I lost the most important person in my life, my mother. It was then that I was forced to ask the question – if there is a so called "saviour", then why would that saviour take the most important person away from us? This experience was a game changer for me.
From this experience, I started practicing yoga. Yes, it was the physical practice that drew me in. I started witnessing things about myself while in the poses, my reactions on my mat and my reflections off. As if I were looking into the stillness of water. What I witnessed, when I practiced, made me aware that some things had to change, that there was a connection that I was feeling but not to what I had been told or needed to do or be, but from within myself. When this connection felt particularly strong was mostly when I would sit in silence, focused solely on my breath. (Well, being entirely truthful I may have also been focused on what my family would be having for dinner that evening, or how much laundry was piling up, or how I only had this 5 minutes before the kids got home from school and all hell would break loose.)
Ok, you’re still probably wondering when I will get to the part of how I found a spiritual practice? I did actually answer, in the paragraph above! You see, in my eyes, our spiritual body is inside each and every one of us. It's dependent on us, whether we want to listen to it or gain stronger access to it or not. Inner wisdom, intuition, our soul, whatever you want to call it, is like a light that burns inside of us. Some lights burn brightly and some are still in pilot mode. Either way, it's our responsibility to keep the fire burning, in whatever way we can. Some may practice yoga as I do, because I know it keeps me in check. Some may head to church to worship from a place they believe to be true and closest to their spirit.
If what your seeking is a more spiritual experience, take a few moments to sit in silence, anywhere.......and listen – your spirit will speak to you,
Namaste,
Monique Ducharme-Pullen
aka #middleagedyogi
aka #middleagedyogi